A journey with my savior
Monday, October 19, 2009
Just when I thought I can guve up easily. Finally, putting it down... it becomes alittle hard again. Why is naysa so easily touched by small little stuff? I'm psycho-ing myself for every little actions given to me.. saying that its normal.. its normal. I'm not the only gal given this kind of treatment. Yet, the other side of my ears heard the oppsoite of what I think. Nope, naysa. You've decided to give up le. So, stand firm ok. I am so afraid that when I open up my heart once again, I will receive disappointments once again. I guess this is just my journey with God to train my insecurities. Please don't treat me nice again. If not, it will be difficult to pull myself out of this sticky situation that I stuck myself into.
5:37 AM
Sweet dreams with Jesus by my side
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
It’s been a long while since I last drop my words here. Perhaps it’s either just too damn busy or not wanting to be vulnerable. When it comes to writing, I just went speechless. Yet, many thoughts went through my head over and over again. Sometimes the repetitive words ringing in my head just annoys me and leaves me feeling like I’m suffocating. Dread stuck in this sticky situation. To move on or not to move on. Confusion all over the place, voice of truth getting softer and softer until it becomes muted. Yet, fearing that the truth in reality, hurts. Needing so much courage. Every type of courage. Big or small. Not knowing where else can you get that kind of courage. To stand up from where you fell. Yet, the real world is just so cruel. Aimlessly heading your life. To a place where it seems so far and dim. Not knowing what’s ahead of you and so forth. So uncertain, so uncertain. Felt so foolish to think that I actually know. Only to realize, that I knew nothing at all. I wish that at least I can live in this disillusion. Perhaps, it wldnt cause me so much pain and torment of my minds and emotions upon waking up into reality. I thought I had grown. I thought that just a few more laps and I’m off the race. Truth is, you have just stepped out two small steps. Realizing that you remains at the same spot. Its tiring to put on a mask to show that you are ok. In fact, you are not. Perhaps it may seems that I’m stress-free of exams burdens compared to the rest who are mugging out there. But, the fact that aimless life is deadlier than stress-free life. To the point where you are not able to identify your identity in Christ, to feel that what was told is just so contradicting to what you see in reality. Not being able to be myself much as I want to, I can’t. Because I fear. To be confuse over what you are good at and what you are not. Getting all fed-up with yourself for behaving certain ways, yet you cant help feeling this way. The impatience ruling over you, making you breathless. Inferiority and envying and jealousy adding on top of those to wear you even further. The struggles between your inner man and the evil man within you. Fighting a long long battle. Till you are kinda wore out. Why cant joy be everlasting? Why cant positivity last? Why is it so difficult to just take your own stand and once again draw your weapon and fight? Why doesn’t things the way you want it to be? Why must hindrances be a barrier? Why cant life just be simple and easy? I cant wait to scrap off these chanting in Jesus name. But it keeps intoxicating my minds. What do you really want, God? What do the devil wants? And what do I want too? Is this really me?
4:26 AM
Sweet dreams with Jesus by my side
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Teardrops On My GuitarTaylor Swift
Songwriters: Rose, Liz; Swift, Taylor Alison
Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without
Drew talks to me, I laugh cause it's just so funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night
[Chorus]
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause
[Repeat Chorus]
So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into..
Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see.
7:42 AM
Sweet dreams with Jesus by my side
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Oh ya... before I log out... One thksgiving for my dearest daddy God. Thank God that the issue, fears and worries that have been crowding my mind have finally been settled. Thank God that I'm so relieved to hear from my doc that I'm okie after going for my medical appointment. Praise God! Hallelujah! (: Sometimes its pretty scary when God told me that I am His miracles. So afraid that it might be something real tough and difficult with all the sufferings and pains that I have to go through. Especially when you know, there's nothing more you can do than to only long for miracles. And sticking so closely to your saviour and nagging the whole night with prayers. But, what to do? I am still called to fulfil His purposes and be used as an instrument. Argh. I should sound happy that I'm given such priviledge right? But how come its not pretty easy to pull my lips wide and smile.
Gotta allow God to further mould me. Sometime the mind is a tool that Mr Satan likes to heck into, corrupt and spoil thoroughly. Adding more fears and uncertainties. That is the reason why God says, "Guard your heart." Not easy. But I know, assuredly, I have given the key to my heart for God. So, He will help me guard it well. haha. Have you surrender the key to ur heart to Him?
Sometime it takes difficulties to draw us back to Christ. If you have been far from God or have been in difficulties, trying to understand what is going on, predicting and squeezing solutions out of ur mind... I would like to encourage you, Be still.
Be still means: Shut ur mind from thinking ur probs and solutions
Turn to Jesus
Indulge in worship
Long for His presences
Look to His truth (word of God)
SHUT UR MIND: Each day has its enough worries. Why borther to flood more troubles and worries by keep dwelling in the problems and worries? Someone shared before that even the smartest scientist only uses 5% of the brain. So since our brain capacity is limited. Why capped with more unnecessary thoughts? Why not fill 95% of ur brain space with something more meaningful. 
Resting ur mind. Not doing yoga k! :P
Turn to Jesus: When someone is troubled, there can only be thoughts from three people. One, yourself, two, God and three, Satan. When you finally blank ur mind, (Yes, absolutely blanking it as though you are day dreaming when attending a boring talk.) you know that at least you have tried ur part to shut ur own thoughts (even though Satan can still make noise). By shutting ur minds, God's voice that seems soft now can be MAGNIFIED. Turning ur focus off ur problems to focusing on Christ brings about a CHANGED IN PERCEPTION and SPIRITUAL REALM. 
Dont turn to the wrong way. Turn to Jesus! (: Indulge in worship: Worship means dethroning Satan and enthroning Christ. When we bring glory to Christ, this pleases God. And faith is the only key to please God. Pleasing God not only brings joy to Christ, but blessings like peace and freedom flow abundantly. I tried before. Worshipping God and truly meditating upon the lyrics really brings peace that is indescribable.
Be free to worship
Long for His presences: Mere worship brings blessings. But our God is a God of how much more. He is provider and a GENEROUS God. He said: "Ask and it will be given. Seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be open." Worship not for the sake of reaching a key of the song. But worship, longing for His presences. Long to dwell in His house. Start entering into His sanctuary of Praise.
Be bold in His presences
Look to His truth (word of God): Knowing God's truth will set us FREE. His truth is the answer to ur problems. The word of God is a lamp and light unto our feet. Guiding and directing our path so that we dont stumble and fall.
Hope this can help you better. Gambatte kudasai. (:
Oh ya, wanna use this chance to thk Kala for inviting us to her dad's 50th birthday. Its such a special time to gather the gals. (: Appreciate lots babe. >.<
Hmm, what else to share? So far like that lo. Oh ya... scratching heads for this year's 21st birthday celebration... But nothing special la. Dun wanna have the same thingy as what the other 21 yrs had. The buffet and chalet.... I wanna have something special and warmth with my lovely gals and loved ones. (:
Oh, talking about this, I rmbed a tinge in my heart! Last few weeks attended the Celebration Ministry Dinner and before the session ends, my church guitarist gave a quiz. The most astonishing thing on that day is the MIST guitar strings! Argh. My eyes are so sticky on the prize. Cant leave a sight off! argh... there goes my strings. My feet and courage just cant cooperate. Its like my butt sticking on my chair. So, I didn rush out and answer. There goes my two guitars at home. broken strings as decoration.
Okie, what else to crap? Yeah. Completed SOL 1 last sun. Finally.... phew. haha.
Was wondering f anyone thinks alike. I think that one of the most tiring thing is to guess what's in another person's mind. And sometime, things which you wanna avoid you cant seems to avoid much. And the things you longed for, may not be what you can achieve. Pretty frustrating huh. But for one thing I know, all that it is, only God can orchestrate and only God is in control.
The next few weeks gotta be only work, work and work. Pray, pray and pray. And of coz, I'm still gonna squeeze in FUN time and REST. Not any kind of rest. But SURRENDER rest.
Okie. ta ta. -.-
2:36 AM
Sweet dreams with Jesus by my side
Hey there!
Its been so long since I last drop my words here. :) Hmm just an update, currently still job hunting for perm jobs. Been assigned to work in CISCO system as a admin staff for about a month. Am feeling grateful to God for the provision. But I know, there's more to come. (:
I'm feeling kinda wierd at this crossroad of life. Its like you know, it comes to a point where you really have to make your decision. No longer the "following life routine" kind of lifestyle, where you know that you have to get to primary school, then secondary, then a JC or Poly. After which get to a Uni study a faculty that you like and stuff.
Sometimes its hard not to use green eyes to look at ur frenes enrolling to Uni. Well... that's life. Have money, you can pursue your dreams. So for me, I'll just wait for my dad in heaven to drop loads of money to me. haha.
Hmm, sounds like I am complaining again. Haha. Okie, better say some good stuff. Finally Rox and Leo is getting married in few weeks time! Time really flies... Very soon we can mess up her new house! Haha. Cant wait to create chaos in her hse. Haha. Opps. Nahx...
Hmm... suddenly brain stucked. Dunno what to fill in. Okie den. I shall end here. Sayonara! :D
2:01 AM
Sweet dreams with Jesus by my side
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Hey there... Heard that The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus is coming to Singapore soon... Reminds me of a nice song from the Twilight movie... Its Your Guardian Angel... Thought of introducing it as I think some parts of the lyrics relates God speaking to me and how He protects and loves me... (: and I loved the melody too... Rockz!! Here's the lyrics and the link if you wana listen to the song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRehmX3zlwE&NR=1Enjoy! (:
The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus lyrics - Your Guardian Angel
Title: Your Guardian Angel
Artist: The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Album: RJA
Year: 2006
Submitted by: Amber Tirey
When I see your smile
tears roll down my face
I can't replace.
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
how this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul,
and I know ill find deep inside me, I can be the one.
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all,
even if saving you sends me to heaven.
It's ok. it's ok. it's ok.
Seasons are changing and waves are crashing
and stars are falling all for us
days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one.
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all,
even if saving you sends me to heaven.
Cause you're my
you're my
my true love
my whole heart
please don't throw that away.
Cause I'm here, for you
please don't walk away and
please tell me you'll stay, stay...
Use me as you will
pull my strings just for a thrill
and I know ill be okay
though my skies are turning gray.
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
even if saving you sends me to heaven.
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
even if saving you sends me to heaven.
11:47 PM
Sweet dreams with Jesus by my side
Hey there my lovely blog! :) hahaha... Finally get to update my blog again... :) Yupx... recently so busy shaking legs at home dazing... hahaha... Finally I'm out of any exams cum major projects cum assignments stress!! hee hee... now is a time of waiting for my Diploma cert and seeking jobs to enter into the REAL work society... argh...damn broke... reali needed $$$ lots to support my own finances, pay debts, contribute to home expenses and save up for school fees... Of cause not forgetting my wants: feeding my wardrobe with new clothes, change a new spec (since my degree and astigmatism increases le... sob sob.. :'( ... ), do soemthing to my hair before it really look like grass... opps... hahaha... AND most importantly... grap the opportunity to meet up with my frenes!! So miss them and the crappy times... had lost contact with them since all of us so damn busy with our own lives... really miss them lots...
Really had no idea what job I'm gonna work and no idea in which field should I head to... Its like I'm at a cross road, wanting to figure out which direction or paths should I walk... It gets frightening to know that I'm gonna enter into work life... Kinda fearful what lies ahead... Wana further study... Something related to design, (so that I can design graphics and my dream to work in an advertising company) something with music, (to fill my passions for music to the fullest) something with counselling to assist the needy in any way that I could to fulfill God's word in the bible; "to be the light and salt of the world", or maybe teaching? (since I really love to teach) and perhaps something relating to cooking (hee hee... Be one of the famous FEMALE CHEF...) So many options that I wana choose... But yet, so limited choice...as many jobs need certain qualification and working experiences in that field which I don't have... argh...
Sometime I wish I just had the courage to do certain things...but I simply cant... haiz... Oh, last weeks I went to Pasir Ris Escape with Ling and my sis... had great time hanging out with bith lovely ladies... I overcomed the fear of sitting on a 360 degree ride... hahaha... (ok, I consider the ride something that can still be "tolerated")... I screamed my lungs out... hahaha... pity my sis for sitting next to me... hahaha... I was so fearful that I grapped her arms so tightly until the next day it is still kinda painful... Opps... hee hee... Yupx... And I loved go-cart!! very fun... make me feel like getting a driving license... (well... a second thought for that coz I'ma real directory idiot) hahaha... I think I will waste alot of petrol or fuel money on driving in Singapore round and round... hahaha... Yupx..
Okie dokie, let me introduce a super nice song that I really really like alot... Enjoy! :D
Artist: Hillsong
Album: Saviour King
Title: In Your Freedom
I search for You God of strength
I bow to You in my brokenness
No other King could have so humbly come
To save my soul and heal my heart
[Pre-Chorus]
I have nothing more
Than all You offer me
I have nothing else
That's of worth to me
[Chorus]
I love You Lord
You rescued me
You are all I want
You're all I need
I pray to You God of peace
I rest in You my cares released
[Bridge]
In Your freedom I will live
In Your freedom I will live
I offer devotion
I offer devotion
Oh, before I forget, let me do a small advertising... If any of you have job lobang must tell me okie? :) hee hee... God bless... (:
2:42 AM
Sweet dreams with Jesus by my side
