Saturday, April 26, 2008
Hey there! Finally updated my blog with granny stories again...Yes, the picture on the bottom is how i describe my weeks recently...
Recently stucked in Prima for attachment...Many routine works and as busy as ever. From morning till evening...My section (NIR) is the first lab test, after mine, I've to pass on the section to my collegues to do the other test... So, very busy lo... But, It was good to be busy. You never know that the next time u look at ur watch, its already time to knock off... :)
In the midst of SIP, i still have to do my project for one of the module, Food safety.. Its very tiring..Trying to find time to get things done...Its also a routine to doze off in Train on the way home, during break and back home...Every where I go, I just feel like my "computer monitor" shut down le...Yet i cant simply rest mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually....
I'm like this guy on the top...Super exhausted...
Struggling with doing project with my project mates...Always having difficulties that I'm left with all out of my control...Feeling frustrated with many injustice unspeakable infront of them, yet helpless and couldnt do anything. All I wished is that God will grant me justice and righteousness and rescue me from the evil ones. I only want to dwell in God's house. Away from the evil world. SO sick and tired of this ruined society. Can't wait for yr 3 to end. Where's my hope and miracles this time? Seems so far away...Far far away..Every project meeting, I dreaded... I know in my mind that God is right beside me, yet, circumstances seems to be greater than feeling God is nearme and helping me. Sorry God. I just simply felt lost in what to do.
I learned that, requesting is actually unneccessary. Why should we request something frm people where in the first place, we have no right and we should not assume that people will give what we request. I learned along the weeks too, that hurts actually takes longer time to be healed than anger. One can vent anger in that moment of frustration. Yet, hurt takes longer time to sew back the brokeness in the heart, ease the pain and to forget unhappiness memories...
I learned that forgiveness is not easy. Sometimes, forgiveness is not only forgetting what the other party does to hurt you, but grace and mercy is required. Now i really understand why God allows me to go through certain test. I suddenly come to realised in my heart that God is really so forgiving. Even I myself find it so hard to forgive irritaing and frustrating ppl, whats more us, a wretch and sinners? A holy God who can't stand a single sin could actually fogive our iniquities...praise God, bcoz, I noe, I dont deserve this grace, yet u gave. I'm speechless Lord. Its really hard to be Christ-liked. Really hard.
Sometimes, things happen and I really hope that by making sense out of everything would comfort my soul. Its in vain. I concluded. Instead, I felt more rejected and helpless. I condemned myself more and envied more. Its really ALL out of control. Familiar trials seems to be coming back again. Yet, I m a grown up christian, no longer a baby. But I don't seems to be handling thigs maturely. The older I get, the more I dreaded. I feel like remaining as a child, so carefree and shower with the love of their parents. They do not need to worry about each day, what to eat, what to do for project and work, not worrying about money issue, not worrying about who will hurt you and feel helpless. Everyday just rely upon their parents bcoz, in their mind, the only one they can rely on is their parents...And yes, indeed, God, you are the only one I can rely to.
Only God knows the problems we faced nw and those yet to come. Only he knows how we feel exactly. Only He can understands and love us like NO one does.Only He is the awesome, rightful judge. Even if the world rejects you, He does not. Even if I feel that I'm so different from the world, the world sees me as wierdo, but God sees me as unique and precious child of his. I know. That I said this out of assurance that God loves me. His love is firm and stable than this falling world. Nothing can shake away His love and Nothing can separate His love from me.
Beloved friends, if you are a sis or bro-in-christ, would appreciate alot for the thoughtful prayers for me...hee...First time request prayers like that...hahaaha...But I would really be grateful for that...Can't wait for more miracles to come...If you have a prayer request, drop by at my tag board k...Or call or sms me. I would love to serve and bless. Many thanks!!! (:
In His strength,
Naysa :)
