Saturday, July 26, 2008
Wow...time really fly by so fast...In a split second, 4months gone... Here I;m.."graduating" from my attachment.... :)
Glad that this 4 months of agony has finally come to an end...But, come to think of it, despite the suffocation I got from those demanding, nasty aunties, (opps), where I'm given no choice but to obey their demands and stuff....I kinda miss that place alittle towards the end of the attachment... :) Not those aunties of course, other God send people.... Those that cheering my boring, routine-based work with craps and guiding me along the way...For all that, I'm thankful for God. Even towards nasty people, which, I'm kinda used to meeting these group of people, I believed, that these people are send to me for specific purpose. I must agree to that statement. Because, during the downs, God always reminded me what is stated in the bible, "if your enermy give you a slap on ur cheek, give the other." of course, I didn let them slap me, but God always reminded me to treat evil with good. Many times, I admit I got so fed-up and felt injustice, I admit, I cursed. (sorry God that I sinned against you) One time, one particular auntie, as usual, treat you nice in request to do her task, which I'm already so tied up with my work, when I always am the only intern doing OT, sometimes rushing to another place for appointment and feeling really exhausted when at night I still need to do my projects with my demanding project mates... Ok, that auntie, I alittle falled out with her. I gave her a cold shoulder when she talk to me. (well, thats my "best" way for venting my anger. I kept silent, despite she speaking ill of me to my collegues infront of me using dialects which i do not understand...I tolerated. Suddently, few minutes later, God did his miraculous work, which upon reflecting back, I can't help, standing amazed and thankful. Praising Him for the work. :)
He caused my anger to ceased. All that negative perceptions, all that frustration and injustice just gone....and peace of God transcend. Suddenly, God caused me to understand and stand in the auntie's shoe. Caused me to understand that she also wants to go home earlier and needed my help. In feeling alittle guilty that my attitude weren't very edifying to Christ, I went ahead to ask her, "do you need my help?" And I could see that this qns shocked her and blesses her. I guessed? The devil told me, "cai yun, how could you grant help for this nasty person!!! Don't be stupid, she is too reliant, and abusing your help!!"... And the angel, on the other side told me, "cai yun, treat the evil with good and your Heavenly Father who sees it will bless you." Well, the auntie, of course, asked me to help her did some stuff. And she looks happy. She told all her collegues that I helped her. On top of that, most surprisingly, something that I didn't expect to hear from my ears, she said, "sorry ah, just now I siao siao de..., tomorrow I treat you cake." :) :) I was really happy to hear that. I didnt expect her to apologise for her fault. hahaha.Not happy that I got cake to bite, but happy that she suddenly treat me so well. Wow!! Thats something I really wana thk God! :) I learned that, when you treat the nasty with good, despite feeling injusticed and helpless, and situation that seems a NO WAY, God miraculously turned it around!! :) Despite this incident, still, old mistake is hard to ammend, next few wekks, she still demanded...But at least, the cold war with her was slowly diminishing. :) Hallelujah... :)
On top of the downs, there are also many ups... :) Really memories that I'll remember. Sweet talks from some "psychos" (opps) are common, anyway, I'm used to it le...Anyway, these doesn't work for me. I'll only wait for my Mr Prince...hahaha...I missed the aunties and uncles from warehouse, production line and the canteen auntie (the big cook!!)...
This particular auntie, she not only could cook very delicious food, filling my stomach, she is also, the warmest. She filled my heart with love. Really so thank God for her presence le. Though she speaks cantonese sometimes, i couldnt understand, but she really dote on me alot. SHe concerns and bless. I took a photo with her the 2nd last day. Will show you guys some day. She's kinda old le. About 60+ or 70 i think. hahaha...She blessed my marriage and told me to have one boy and one gal. haha...I thought that was still quite far away...haha...I wana bless her with something during my last day, I went to print a photo taken with her for her. She received this simple gift, and told me I can be her grand-daughter...hahaha...And she looked like she's my granny. :) since young, my grandma and grandpa from both side are either not very close, dont communicate much, or they are not in this world le. This auntie, is the only auntie that made me feel the love from grandparents... Really thk God. And God told me, this love you felt from her, is my love. I knew, this sweet love, is what love is call. And God's love is so deep. Deeper than I could understand. Like the daily bread i read, a story was told about a boy, who dig a sand hole at the beach. This act was witness by a man, and he asked the boy, "what are you doing?" and the little boy replied, " I'm digging a hole and filling the sea into that hole." Weren't we doing the same thing? Some believers have in the sense, put our tiny winy concepts in line with God's wide and unexplainable thoughts. SOmetime, we tried to understand His plan, however, fact is fact. His thougths are not our thoughts. It is TOO vast. Beyond understanding and description. Arent we silly? :)
BAck to Prima. The people in the packer production line was really friendly and helpful. That supervisor, really damn funny. They knew that those evil aunties are always stepping on top of these poor interns, he told me on the last day', "since to day is your last day le, right immediately after 6pm, after receiving your appraisal, go and scold those aunties and use you log book hit their head..." hahahaha... and though he kinda ah beng, but he quite nice sometime la...Treat me drink though his approach in treating me well is kinda funny. He always laughed at my silly mistakes. Well, he is that kind of, "hard-mouth, soft-heart person". hahaha...His staff, one of the China guy, gives me a very deep impression. What is so impressive about him is that he will helped me carry heavy (and I meant really heavy) samples down without needing me to ask a favour from him. And I really feel so thankful. I liked that taking initiative attitude. I liked that. Action speaks louder than words. Sometime I feel really touched. He told me, "this kind of tough job is meant for guys." and I really feel that being a gal really benefits...hahaha... Really thk God for sending this angel to help me. :)
I also misses those aunties and uncles from warehouse, canteen and production line. Needing to carry samples from packing production to R and D lab with a super ugly, orbit market trolley, thanks to it, those funny uncles loves calling me aunties and some said I go market. hahaha. I misses those time. Though abit, diao.... -_-"", but I misses those memories. :) One particular auntie, I believed the best cook in prima, she is one of the auntie whom I treasured my friendship with and one who left me the most impression. :) She really dotes on me alot with her heart-felt concerns and love shower for us. SO tangible. :) And on the last day of my sip, she especially cooked something special for us. :) I took a photo with her during the second last day of my sip, will post up and show to you guys some days k!! She bless me with nice words and even blesses my marriage, blessing me with a baby boy and gal...hahaha...I thought that was still so far away... :) I wana bless her for all that thoughtfulness and kindness, so i went to print out that picture for her. Upon recieving it, she looks happy. She's kinda aged, says about 60 plus or 70 years old. Though sometime she speaks cantonese which i do not understand, but I still felt so blessed by her. I enjoyed every conversation with her and even asked her for her cooking recipe and instruction for cooking. hahaha...I think I'm her no.1 fans!! :) She is like another angel send by God... Despite the fact that my grandmas and grandpas from both side of my parents either arent that close with, or they are already not in this world since young, this auntie, is the only auntie who gave me that kind of grandparent's feeling. :) I thought wow, that is also an act of love from God. :)
God reminded me that arent this type of love my love for you? I could grapse a better understanding of what God's love is. I cant help, feeling moved and really thankful. God's love is so deep and intimate. Beyond human's understanding. So vast and wide, yet, heart-felt. God is so amazing. Thank you daddy for all that love for me. :)
Another group of people I'll miss, are my frene's department. A group of crappy, fun-filled people. Always making me laugh like mad. :) Really thankful. Thankful that they invited me for dinner on the last day...However, due to some reasons, I couldnt go despite that I really wanted to. haiz.... Though i admit, that I envied my frenes that their department either hold a gathering or party for on their last day, while I don't have, but I'm still thankful, that at least I have these frenes. I treasured those moments. God gave. I treasure. praise God. Will remember these memories for life. :)
Reflecting my attachment, thankful for the guidance, help from people, gaining friendship, those that i truly treasure... Above all, haha...I think I've added more criteria for my Mr right...hahaha...I think ar, from my list of criteria, he seems to perfect to be real. I think I should also be his Ms Perfect...if not that wouldnt be fair...haha...wait wait...but its ok...this isnt a big problem now...Right now, I want to get my life right and settle whatever issues and deal with it with God. Like SOL taught us, we need to be a whole before we meet our partners. Not hafl me, half him to make up a whole. We both need to be complete. :) Yupx... right now, my studies, my life, my careers....haiz... How I wish God will just show me at least 1/4 or a glipse of my future...haha...Some how, I felt in my heart, he is speaking to me about something. Yet, unsure, uncertain. i duno what I heard from some people is what God wans to speak to me about. I kinda feel that its alittle impossible given my incapabilities...I'll wait for confirmation. Wait for God. Will just pray that God will speak to me coherently and prepare me when the time comes... :)
In case my faithful readers do not know what I'm busy lately, let me update you guys... :) After i finished my sip, my MP (major project) starts immediately. On top of that I've a sip report to rush, which, the deadline is on 8th Aug. And honestly, I admit that I haven started anything yet. I admit, that I felt lost and empty in the midst of business. I thought that being busy will fill my heart and mind, leaving no time to entertain funny thoughts implotted by Satan, but I was wrong. Instead, all the more I'm thrown with tonnes of workload to clear, all the more I escaped. (which I'm quite capable of doing it often). I procastinated. I was left all exhausted and lost much motivation in studying which i always had during secondary school...I felt so lost in this path. I couldnt see what's ahead. All the more I procastinated, all the more I felt guilty, that I allowed so much valuable time slipped pass me. Sometime, I rather spend time worshipping God instead of doing my work or sleeping. I had wrong perception that sleeping is a waste of time. Yet, feeling worshippping God is an excuse from doing work.
Many time, I asked God, "God, did I made the wrong choice? Did I hear you wrong? Is it that I took a wrong path in opting out from retail management to applied food science and nutrition. Is my choice not your choice? But I chose to believe and trust that my God wouldnt lied to me. You told me that making this choice is for your purpose. For that very statement, I hold on till today. For your sake God. I told Siling that this world is too suffocating for me to breathe and live. SHe thought I wanted to end my life... That was funny...hahaha...If I were to end my life, I think I would have done that many years ago. Praise to God, that I admit, due to the fear of death, I did not. hahaha... praise God. Sometimes, I wanted joy and simple life that much that I thought I could just sacrifice the success and prosperity which i longed for. To the extend of dropping the idea of being a "wonder-woman" working at high rise building, one who do not need to depend so much on man, to being just a housewife. I just want joy. SOmething I felt that Satan had stolen it away. Like bible claimed, a theft, came to steal and kill. He stole my joy and wanted to destroy me. But my God is greater. I know He is redeemer, He redeems my joy and strength when I'm weak. He is my strength. In times of trouble, I know He is there. He never leaves me nor fosake me.
A story i read from daily bread was told about a man witnessing a little boy digging hole along the beach one fine day. The man asked that little boy, "what are you doing?" and the boy replied, "I'm putting in the sea into the hole!"... Aren't we like this little boy many times? Aren't we too, foolishly aligning our tiny winy thoughts into God's deep and wide thoughts? Like what the bible states, His thoughts are not our thoughts and His ways are not our ways..." And yes, His thoughts are too vast beyond human understanding and beyond description. Its like, we are like tiny ants living among those "gigantic" human. We could only see that 0.01 % of His thoughts. So, lets not think any more. Thinking more doesnt seems to give more solutions but more white hairs...hahaha...
Though I felt alittle uncertain of my future, do not know what will do, feeling that what I do is not meaningful enuff...Wondering if I should continue studying U after graduation even though I haven even graduate, but I know, God is still in Heaven, sitted on the throne. He is still in control. :) Because I do not know what is ahead, you know. For that, I hold on. For you God, I hold on.
What about you guys? Are you feeling dry or tired of your life? or tired from reading my loooooooooong post? hahaha... If you feel that emptiness, dont look for temporary things to fill your heart. For our souls doesnt belong to the world, but God. So let God satisfy our soul with his living water. his agape love, that quest us, that we shall not thirst. :) Ask of Him today, be prepared to encounter Him in a tangible way that you cannot imagine. Start asking now! :)
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
At first thought of putting in some pictures and what crazy stuff happening last few weeks...But, just felt like putting in some words of encouragement here...You may not read my blog, nor know about my blog's existence, nor know me. But, I'm sure if God wants to use me to encourage you, He will let His will be done. Perhaps SOME of my faithful readers might ask:"Who?"... Well, I will just reply, for the one that while reading, Holy Spirit tells you:"you are the one." For someone going through hard time recently..Dont know if the words spoken are encouragable..But, I'm pretty sure if God has chosen this opportunity, I grab it.... :)
Sometimes along the journey, We are searching for something that satisfy our souls, satisfy our broken and empty hearts.... Life goes on and on and may seems like a routine. Perhaps nothing seems to bring forth joy...No matter what we try to search and try to bring it, it seems futile. Missing the good old times are a torment. Because, its the past. Yet, that physical mind just can't seems to shake it off that easily. I know, I went through that. I hate that torment of reminding of the good old times. It not only brings in bitterness but self-pitying. I'm sure nobody wants to live in torment. And yes, I told myself, I;m sick and tired of self-blaming. remember? There is hope is God! We are His BELOVED child. And YES, I repeat, BELOVED. Not beloved child.
He TRULY loves us to the extend of dying for our sin. The Almighty, who knew NO sin at all, bare ALL that shame and sin for us. We do not deserve. Just bcoz we do not deserve, all the more this reflects HIS GREAT love. IN the bible it states that:'Perfect love cast out all fears." I never understand what it TRULY meant until I had a greater understanding of God's perfect love. DOn't you see that God loves you that He will see you through? He knows everything about you, every need. From the biggest to the smallest. Every thoughts, every bad times, every emotions and struggles, every frustration, every envious, every decision making. In short, EVERYTHING. Aren't you so precious in His sight? :)
And it pains Him to see you upset. It was NEVER His untention to upset you. Nor make you go through every pain and struggles. It was ALL done for He loved you. To change you and mould you. You are DEEPLY loved. People around you do not understand. People may not know whats going through your mind, but, He knows. EXACTLY EVERYTHING.
Wana encourage you that I know its hard, why not just TRY, at least to fix your eyes upon the Lord above all that troubles. For when you seek God first, He SHALL grant your needs and COMPLETE your joy. Our God provides. And never does He provides little nor insufficient. He Provides FULLY and COMPLETELY. You may seek for sense of belonging. Let me tell you, your sense of belonging is in Christ. It is only with Him. That you find peace and find comfort. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. And yes, He wants to comfort you.
You are a wonderful creation. Ps 139:14 says that,"I thank you for I know that I'm fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful. I know that FULL well." Do you truly understand it full well? If you do not, ask God to help you. I know its difficult. It took me many years before I can accept myself and everything about me and what God give without condemning myself much more.
In christ there is no condemnation. And yes, in Jesus name, I pray that God heal all your hurts. Be it emotionally, mentally and spiritually. May you be refreshed in God's love once again. And that this love is so coherently that you shall NOT doubt. Because of Jesus, we are not judged. No one can judge. They have no authorities. Yes, only God can. SO no matter what other people commented, they are arrows created by Satan to put us down.
Take up that courage again and lift up the foot that satan have trampled on top of your head! Jia You! :) God loves you. May He send forth angels to guide you. May you always be refreshed by the living water of God. That you shall not thirst again. :) Yes, may God be gentle with him. I submit him and family unto your hands. In Jesus name I prayed, amen.
