Friday, October 24, 2008
Finally, I "pen-ing" down my thoughts again after and in the midst of storms in life. Yes, It was as ever a fatigue weeks with MP, health and home. Its like I'm a spiritual warrior fighting against the evil ones non-stop. And I admit, I'm dried up. Dead beat!
Can you image going through rounds 0f repetative things for many weeks? Adding on to loads of troubles along... 1. limited ingredients for projects and getting the stuff from the company is like, you can obtain your materials next year. 2. getting materials from TSO for preparation of microbe agar is also difficult. For sure, we will recieve scoldings for wanting the stuff. 3. our samples shelf life almost 4 out of 5 times fail. 4. Upteen times of preparing peptone in dilution tubes aseptically will still ended up with mold growth. 5. Once, the micro lab oven spoiled. And all the agar we prepare for testing sets. And we got no choice but to heart-achingly threw the agar made into bins. Its like, countless time of wasting materials. 6. Some misunderstandings with team mates when it comes to STUBBORN teammates, its worse. 7. Once we already prepared the raw materials for mass production, (no kidding, 3kg of onions like that) there is actually no gas for cooking. Argh!! how can it be so coincidental! 8. your supervisor is kinda difficult to communicate when he could just briefly said some advices to your probs and making it sound so chicken feed, yet in fact, its more than just like that. Moreover, he is very time-concious.... Argh..Phi4:8 told us to think of good stuff so that we can chase out negative thoughts and allow God to use our mind the way He desires! So, ok, though my supervisor is not as easy to communicate with. But i thk God that he did us help when we are really stucked with certain situation.
Adding on, recently, my back (lumbar spine) has been feeling aching. Quite bad certain days until the only solution to relieve pain is lying down. Went to consult a doctor and the doc said its alit like architis and gave me medicine to relieve pain. What madden me is that I was not given an opportunity to even take a look at my X-ray film when I paid for the X-ray test. Its not the price that matters most to me. I requested to look at the x-ray from the x-ray centre and the nurse asked me a quite redundant question, "why would you want the x-ray film?" In my heart I was like thinking, "come on la, the answer should be obvious." I replied,"i want to take a look at my x-ray film." and she just push me away by saying, "O, its a confidential information between the doctor and x-ray examiner." I thought that is even an unacceptable reason... Why cant I see my x-ray film since its my body?? argh...So which means, I cant really dance that freely and vigourously which a Hip-Hop dance requires. :( my dreams dashed.
There are also some issues at home. Kinda taken aback upon recieving the news and was disappointed by it. Why, of all things, such unneccessary things happened which arouses many unneccessary fears at home? But looking back, God is good and in control. All things happen for good. This bad situation actually bring daddy's salvation. Praise God! Hallelujah! Really hoping that things will turn out and maintain fine...
Realise my complaints are so LONG!
Looking back, I wonder why life now seems so bad compared to older days. I grumbled and felt disappointed most of the time. Going school is my most dreaded place. Life just, dulls. I felt that life is meaningless and why would God wants to create people into this world and suffer sufferings.
Until a day, God lead me to read a familiar book, "purpose driven life" by Rick Warren. It is really an inspiring book. And Suddenly I had a revelation from God.
I started to realise that there is a purpose in life. I mean infact, EVERY life. Be it that you are a believer or not, you are still created in this world for a purpose. Before you are conceived in your mother's womb, you ARE already conceived in God's mind. Col1:16b (msg), "For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible...everything got started in Him and finds its purpose in him." Yes, and God told me that life's purpose is FOR Him and WITH Him.
I come to realise why I find my life so dull especially when I do not achieve great things like I used to have.
I mistakenly aligned acheiving great things or achievements in life = life purpose fulfilled... Actually it is not at all. Because it is only self-satisfying and self-seeking. And Its a choice I CHOOSE to made. And WANT to have. It may not be align with God's plan... Yupx....
So, I'm learning to surrender and let go... Learning to trust in God's plan. Will you? :)
